


The stars' place

by Asthefirerises



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Be careful this is, Because honestly with Luke and Anakin what else can you expect, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional vomit, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Panic Attacks, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, hiiiiii, no beta we die like men, second fanfiction, whump kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:07:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25170637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asthefirerises/pseuds/Asthefirerises
Summary: Another take on Vader as a Force ghost meeting his ball-of-sunshine son aka Luke Skywalker.(In other words:Me: making my way downtownMe: walking fastStar Wars: LOTS OF FEELING WITH A BIG FMe: Walking slower and savouring all the pain)I am sorry.
Relationships: Luke Skywalker & Darth Vader
Comments: 12
Kudos: 91





	The stars' place

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!!!  
> This is my second fan fiction (thank you for all the positive returns on my first one !!!!!)  
> Uhmm... I am not entirely responsible for this mess it's also  
> Oh wait no there's no one else
> 
> Have a great day/night!

And Vader is alone again.

Vader? Or is it Anakin?

As much as he wishes to forget Vader, forget the horrors, the Galaxy will not let him, and he staggers under the weight of his guilt. This young body, this human body, is warm and healthy, and he does not deserve it. But in a way, it’s easier to meet Obi-Wan’s eyes and to smile like if they were back in the Clone Wars.

However now, he is alone in Endor’s forest, only surrounded by the night.

He makes a step forward, then falters, strangely hesitant. He can hear the music and the distant screams of joy of the victorious Rebels, and see the soft glow of a fire.

His own funeral pyre.

It is fitting, he thinks, that he was reborn in a fire and finally extinguished in another. 

At the same time, it’s all wrong because he does not deserve the quiet mourning of a Jedi funeral. His body has been put at rest, but his mind is not soothed, not yet. He does not think it will be appeased soon.

He looks down at his hands and wring them together. He knows he used to do that when he was being scolded by Master Obi-Wan or the Council. When he was nervous or scared. When Padmé was mad at him. When he was mad at himself. 

The lack of pain is… dizzying. He feels light, too light, and too many sensations are attacking him at the same time. There are colors, smells, warmth…

There is a lump in his throat, anxiety in his mind and it _hurts_.

He’s uncomfortable, he realises. The Rebels’ joy reverberates on him, but he can’t bring himself to feel the same. He fears the fire, even now, when he’s immaterial and glowing. It feels too good to be true, but too late to be rewarding.

He does not belong here. He belongs nowhere.

He knows that Padmé’s children are close. It’s the closest they have ever been without him trying to kill them. He swallows. 

He stays a long moment like that, gripping softly the front of his robes in a semblance of a hug, looking at the grass beneath his feet. His mind is blank, and the void weights on his shoulders.

———————

The soft sound of footsteps pulls him out of his reverie. 

In an instant, he goes from completely slacked to panicking. He is breathing too fast, a shiver runs down his spine. He grips himself tighter, rocking back and forth.

He knows who is coming.

“Father?”

_Luke_. Luke is here. Luke is here and he saw him and-

His thoughts are spinning. His head is spinning too and he can’t breathe-

He wants to say “ _My son_ ”, like Vader would have said, but what if Luke hates him and anyway he certainly does not want to be associated with a _monster_ -

“Luke,” he says, then wince, because he spoke too sharply, but he didn’t mean to he’s _so_ _stupid_ -

At the back of his mind, he feels Luke’s disappointment. It stings him, and he flinches. He did not want that. He wanted to make him happy, but he can _never_ -

He sees Luke reaching out for him. He can’t accept that. He knows the touch will burn, but he’s paralysed, he can’t move. 

Luke’s hand come closer to his face, and for a split second he wonders if Luke wants to hit him, but the thought is refuted quickly by the gentleness of the gesture, the lack of tension in his hands, at least in the flesh one- 

He realises that he never apologised for cutting off Luke’s hand.

His knees buckle under him and he falls to the ground.

“ _I’m sorry!_ ” He screams, “ _I’m so sorry!_ ” The words escape his mouth, tangled with loud sobs and hiccups, and he puts his hands in his hairs and _yanks_ , willing for the pain to provide him clarity. He is shaking so hard, it feels like all the grief he ever hid behind anger and apathy attacks him at full strength, and it’s fitting that he is having a meltdown while kneeling before Luke because Luke is so, so much stronger than he ever was and he deserves to be worshipped, not reduced to a mere slave like _Vader_ wanted him to be.

Suddenly his hands are pulled away from his hairs, and he whimpers. He knows he should not accept the touch, but after two decades spent in isolation, Luke’s gentle touch burns him, it feels like Heaven. 

“Father, breathe,” Luke says. He aware of the concern in Luke voice, and tries to breathe, but he’s hyperventilating and he _can’t_ -

Luke’s arms come around him, and he’s pulled in his embrace. Luke is so much smaller than him but his arms are strong, and once the surprise fades Anakin leans on him fully, savouring the proximity he thought would be forever forbidden to him. 

They both stay a long moment like that, Luke softly tracing patterns on his back as Anakin stains Luke’s shirt with his tears.

———————

Once the fog of his mind dissipates, Anakin realises that this is not how it should be. He was supposed to protect Luke, not the other way around. He pushes Luke back, shame making it impossible to look at him. He can hear Sidious mocking him, laughing as his apprentice grovels at his feet, flinching at every of his movements.

 _Pathetic_.

The memory is enough for the physical pain to come back. He feels the metal embedding itself in his chest, the sudden heaviness of limbs that don’t belong to him. He hears himself wheezing as his damaged lungs struggle to open when the soft twilight air burns its way down his scorched throat. 

He feels Luke’s gaze on him, and hides his face as much as he can, _Luke hates you already he doesn’t need to see your ugliness on top of that_ -

Luke takes his wrists, slowly, as if he was a scared animal, which he honestly feels like right now, and pry them away from his face. He resists, but he is too weak, and treacherous hope blooms in his heart, maybe Luke really did want to free him earlier.

Their eyes met, at the same time too slowly and too quickly, and for the first time since his death, he sees Luke.

He sees the unruly blond hairs falling in his face, he sees the delicate mouth, he sees Padmé’s nose, he sees the chin dip, and he sees the sky blue eyes, full of a thousands of emotions, but none of them accuse him, none of them is disdain, and his search becomes more and more desperate. Luke is patient and let him continue. He does not find hate either, but he finds anger, and recoils. He looks down, steeling himself for the harsh words, for the screams.

They don’t come.

When he looks up again. His eyes meet Luke’s smile. There is only one emotion here.

It’s love.

Luke loves.

Him?

He searches the Force for confirmation. 

He can only find warm tenderness in it.

Luke wipes his eyes. He laughs softly, and Anakin revels in the sound. It’s the first time he heard him laugh. 

Hesitantly, as the fear of rejection makes his heart pound, he puts his hand on Luke’s cheek. He can’t feel the warmth, but the feeling of something soft behind his cybernetic fingers is enough. Luke does not flinch, nor pushes him away. His smile gets bigger, and he places his hand on top of Anakin’s.

He feels his heart settle.

“My son,” he says.

And with these words, the stars return to their rightful place in each other's eyes.

  
  
  
  



End file.
